Giving Fear the Middle Finger (F**K FEAR)

People always talk about finding your passion and what it means to find your passion, but as someone who has struggled to find said “passion,” it’s always annoyed me to hear said people. When confronted with the conversation, my response has always been, “Yeah yeah … I’ll go find my passion when you finally shut up about how you found yours!” Throw in a grumpy old “bah humbug” and I was basically Ebenezer Scrooge when it came to chasing your dreams.

Looking back, I realize now that I was so negative because deep down, I didn’t really know what my passion was and I was too afraid to put myself out there to find it. Sure, I’ve dabbled in a ton of things. And sure, I like doing a lot of things, but do they really fuel me to get up and go in the morning? Are they the driving force behind what I do every day? Nah, bruh …

It wasn’t until a few years ago that the wheels started turning for me. I knew this boss lady (and she will remain nameless) who abruptly left a seemingly amazing job with great pay and potential stock in the company because it wasn’t what she truly wanted to do. Now I can’t completely speak for her, but from my understanding, she wanted to step out from behind the scenes of someone else’s dream, and dream even bigger for herself. She’d spent the better part of her 20s helping another person achieve their dreams, and now it was her time. By leaving the company she went from making almost six figures a year (which isn’t a ton, but it’s still pretty darn good) to making $100/week. But at the end of the day, she was happy! And not just that fake kinda happy, she was genuinely happy. Seeing her new found happiness is when it finally clicked in my head that maybe … just maybe … I might want to do the same. I guess you could say, she was the first person who inspired me to seriously start the conversation internally.

Fast forward (I use that phrase a lot …) and people around me are jumping ship left and right. They’re leaving great jobs and turning down incredible opportunities, all in the name of “following their passion and taking a risk” … and guess what?! Nobody is dying. Sure, they were scared and worried that it might all come crumbling down around them, who wouldn’t be at least a little worried. But when I talk to them, every single person is claiming that the grind is hard but the rewards are so much greater! So again … I’m thinking, “damn those lucky freaks! What’s stopping me? Why am I so afraid to try?”

It wasn’t until I found myself lying in bed feeling uninspired by my life and my purpose that I finally realized something desperately needed to change. I wasn’t unhappy but I also wasn’t happy. I was numb. I was safe and complacent. Now, if you’ve ever been stuck in that weird in between funk, you know just how tough that can be. What do you do? Your complaints are minimal and albeit kind of silly, and when people ask how they can help … you don’t really have an answer. Not knowing what to do or how to solve my strange dilemma, I did an internal deep dive and tried to figure out just what made me tick.

For months, I spent hours and hours privately analyzing my life and each of the pieces that made the machine move. As I was mindlessly scrolling social media late one night, a blog I follow (@pjandthomas AKA The Property Lovers) posted on Instagram how one of them was finally making the choice to quit his stable “adult job” and focus on their business full-time. They talked about how it was scary, and how “making the choice to follow your passion is not always an easy one.” So maybe it was perfect timing, maybe it’s because they’re both mildly attractive or maybe it’s just because I was so sick and tired of hearing it, but either way, I decided right then and there to take action.

I sat up in bed at 142A (yes, I remember the time), and started aggressively typing in my phone. I wrote a list of all the things I loved. Writing. Creating. Music. Theatre. Running. Disney. Volunteering. I kept going until I couldn’t think of anything else and finally allowed myself to go back to sleep. When I woke up later that day, I looked over the mildly delirious list and promised myself that I would stop being afraid and use the list to help me discover my passion. There would be no more excuses. And there would be no more self doubt. I would finally attempt to quiet that nagging, awful voice in then back my head and put myself out there.

I could write a blog that nobody ever reads. I could run a race outside my comfort zone and not even finish. I could show up to an audition and crack through every note of my song. I could try a ton of things and fail miserably, but I could also play it safe my whole life and get hit by a rogue driver while innocently crossing the street. Anything is possible, so why not just try? FUCK FEAR. And like they say on RuPaul’s Drag Race, “fuck being safe!”

In the spirit of honesty, my sleep deprived list hasn’t solved all my problems. And even with the list, I’m still searching for my true passion; however, I will say that for the first time in a long time, I think I’m heading in the right direction.

It’s been a couple months since I made that list, and here’s where I stand. I started this blog … thanks for reading. I signed up for a race in a distance I’ve never tried and outside my comfort zone. I started volunteering regularly with two amazing organizations, Mile in My Shoes and The Birthday Party Project. I joined a kickball league … thanks, Doug! And I even scheduled my first musical theatre audition here in the Twin Cities. Using the list, I’ve managed to put myself out there in a way I could’ve never anticipated and I’m actually really excited about it.

There will always be excuses for why you can’t or shouldn’t do something. But for those of you out there struggling to “find your passion,” I leave you with this … the task might seem daunting, you might not know where to begin and you might be completely afraid but at the very least, take a few minutes and start the conversation with yourself. Rip the band-aid and most importantly … stop making excuses.

- Noah L. Jordan (#WNN)

SONG OF THE BLOG (#SOTB): “Bottom of the River” - Delta Rae

A Rival Weekend in Walt Disney World

Travel is one of the truest tests of a relationship. Lucky for me and Norris, we started out doing the whole “long distance” thing, so we’ve been traveling together since the day we met and have literally traveled the world together. Back and forth between Colorado and Minnesota, several trips to New York, California and Florida, multiple cruises, we even survived a few extremely long trips across the ocean to London and Japan. Sure, we’ve had our fair share of travel bumps in the road, who hasn’t?! But to be honest, we travel really well together and for that, I’m extremely grateful. So as I packed my bags and prepared to meet him in Orlando for the tail end of his spring break, I was genuinely excited. Not only would I get to see him soon, but it would be in our favorite place …. Walt Disney World! And being the sweet guy he is, he’d arranged for us to stay at a new resort for me, Disney’s Animal Kingdom Lodge complete with a view of the nearby savannah. Yass, queen!

DAY ONE: Arrival

A flight from Minnesota to Orlando is only a few hours, but it’s usually crawling with over-sugared children and their high strung parents. So mentally preparing for these flights can often be its own special adventure. Imagine my surprise and delight when I took my seat in the COMPLETELY EMPTY exit row! I could check that off the list of travel stressors. The plane eventually took off and like clockwork, a few hours later we arrived in “The City Beautiful” (Orlando’s nickname) and all my travel stress immediately began to fade. You know the ones, “will my flight be on-time” or “how is this plane even flying in the air” or “will I get some weird driver when I arrive.” If you don’t have those thoughts while traveling, bless your heart because every single time I get on a plane the famous scene from Final Destination floods my brain and I spend the first few minutes secretly deciding if I should type up a quick will and testament in the notes application on my phone and send it up to the cloud before I die. But guess what?! I didn’t die.

Vacations, in general, can be stressful. And Disney vacations can be extremely stressful, but one of the advantages you have when staying on property is using Disney’s Magical Express. For those of you that don’t know, it’s a complimentary transportation service that gives you a ride to and from the airport. And while some people in the family refer to it as the “Tragical Express” … a free ride is a free ride! As I boarded the bus, I tossed my weekend backpack in the seat beside me, threw my cares to the wind and sat back to enjoy the ride!

It was late when I arrived, but to say Disney’s Animal Kingdom Lodge is “beautiful” would be a severe understatement. Upon entering the lobby there are really no words to describe my immediate feeling. I was overcome with joy and immediately knew this was my favorite Disney resort! I hurried up to the room, pleased to see that despite the time, there were still a few animals within eyesight of our savannah view and as I went to sleep that first evening, I crossed my fingers hoping my morning view would be something straight from the opening scene in The Lion King! SPOILER ALERT: It was not but it was close enough that I was still VERY happy!

DAY TWO: Epcot and Disney Springs

For our first day in the parks, we ventured over to Epcot, which is my second favorite park and Norris’ absolute favorite park! We started the day tooling around, lightly snacking and taking in all the attractions. Since the park wasn’t too busy we were in absolutely no hurry. A leisurely trip inside Spaceship Earth, a speedy lap around Test Track, and a high-intensity ride on Mission: SPACE later it was time for our lunch reservation at Rose & Crown “across the pond” in Great Britain!

As many times as I’ve “run” by Rose & Crown, I’d never actually been inside. The menu features a wide selection of booze and classic British bites. To be honest, the menu was a bit underwhelming being that when it comes to Disney sit down meals, I’m always a HUGE fan of the buffets. It’s easily more bang and more bites for your buck, but nonetheless, I opted for the corned beef and cabbage — a meal I absolutely can’t make at home. Norris’ did the same and went with the Shepherd’s Pie. Both items were delicious, but the true star of the meal was the sticky toffee pudding Norris begrudgingly shared with me after I politely declined dessert only a few moments earlier! #ThatsLove <3

When visiting Disney, Norris and I are always perfectly content treating and eating ourselves into food comas and taking our time through the parks. It might sound “first world” of us, but we’ve seen it all and at this point, we just like to enjoy the experience. Realizing we’d had our fill at Epcot, we snapped into a new mission. Why not head over to Disney Springs and check out Guy Fieri’s new restaurant Chicken Guy, comfortably nested only a hop, skip and a jump from where the Disney transportation buses drop you off. Now, when given the option between tried and true park favorites and exploring new food options … new food wins! Why not? HOLY MOLY! The first bite of our juicy, white meat chicken tenders dipped in “Nashville Hot Honey” sauce (only one of 22 different sauces), proved we’d made the right decision! Not only was the meal absolutely delicious, but it was also totally affordable!

DAY THREE: Animal Kingdom Lodge and Trader Sam’s

Instead of waking up SUPER early and racing to one of the parks, we opted for something slightly different this trip. We decided to spend a day outside the parks and actually take advantage of our beautiful resort. And holy moly, it was so worth it!

For breakfast, we decided to try one of the restaurants inside the resort, Boma - Flavors of Africa. Boma is my ideal type of buffet. It’s inside our resort, has amazing decor and ambiance, and features a nice mix of foods that you will most likely never make at home on your own. It was perfect. So much so that I found myself slightly overeating because I wanted to try EVERYTHING!

Eventually, we stopped shoveling food down our throats to pay and head to over to the pre-race expo at ESPN Wide World of Sports Complex! This is always my least favorite part of any RunDisney weekend. Why? Because it’s a bit time-consuming. In order to pick up your race packet, you have to option to either take a free bus to and from the expo which takes at least an hour OR you can suck it up and pay for a rideshare app which is roughly $30-$40 bucks. The only reason it wasn’t such a pain in my ass this time was because we’d already resolved to spend that poking around the resort and not going to a park, which I highly recommend! It took the time and stress out of going to the expo.

With the Expo behind us and nothing but time, we went back to Animal Kingdom Lodge to lounge poolside for a couple hours … something we RARELY do. I read a book. Norris listened to a podcast. And eventually, we actually took a dip in the pool. It was a great way to spend a few sunny hours of the day, but before we knew it was time to prepare for our early dinner reservation, Storybook Dining at Artist Point with Snow White!

And when it came time to dine, Snow and her crew certainly delivered. Storybook Dining was so much fun. Not only do you automatically get one of everything on the menu, making ordering a breeze. It’s a character meal that allows you to meet Snow White, Dopey, Grumpy, and Evil Queen. So if you’re going to take the time to dine, why not meet a few rare characters in the process. The only downfall to Storybook is the location. Being nestled inside a deluxe resort is great for people staying there, but somewhat of a pain for people traveling there specifically to dine. Just my own thought.

DAY THREE: Race Day and Magic Kingdom

As the sound of the alarm clock flooded our hotel room at 3AM the morning of the race, I experienced a feeling I’m all too familiar with … it’s the “why did do this? I could just not go” feeling. But after a more than a couple snoozes it was up and at em, as Norris and I choked down our bagels, slammed some orange juice, laced up our sneakers and hopped on a bus to the start line for Star Wars Rival Run 10K! Full disclosure: As much as truly enjoy RunDisney events, the super early start times make for an extremely long day whether you’re running 3.1 miles or 26.2 miles.

Lucky for us, we were only running 6.2 miles of fun, and by the time we finished, it was even still dark outside. During our race day adventure, we managed to encounter eight characters, stay together and finish under an hour, which is 100 percent a win in my book!

With time to spare before the parks opened, we hurried back to the resort to shower and change for our final full day. As we strolled through Magic Kingdom that last day, medals around our necks and feeling proud, I realized just how much I loved Walt Disney World. It’s a place where I can truly allow myself to be a kid again. Sure, the planning and the overall cost can be expensive, but concert tickets these days are about the same price as a park ticket and those only last a few hours. A park ticket is like a golden ticket and provides a full day of entertainment.

Still going but maybe a little tired from two FULL days, 6.2 miles of magic and a few thousand steps, we decided to venture toward Disney Springs one more time to visit our new FAVORITE restaurant, Chicken Guy. Seriously, we loved it. That “Nashville Hot Honey” sauce was and is DELICIOUS!

DAY FOUR: Departure

As the sun rose on our final morning, I gathered my belongings, checked in for the Magical Express to the airport, and mentally set my sights back on the Twin Cities. The ride to the MCO was sweet and simple since there were only a few of us on board. Initially, I thought about rushing through security so I could find a comfortable spot on the other side near my gate, but before I could fully say goodbye, there would be just one more stop — the Disney Store in the Orlando airport. I wasn’t planning on buying anything — I just wanted to be surrounded by items that brought me joy. I wanted to feel like Ariel swimming around her collection. Even though the weekend was fast and furious, I didn’t regret a single second. I knew our Star Wars Rival Run weekend was not just a good idea. It was the best idea!

- Noah Lee Jordan (#WNN)

SONG OF THE BLOG (#SOTB): “It’s a Good Time” - Mickey Mouse

An Unnecessary and Unsolicited Guide to "Netflix and Chill"

At some point in our more recent history, society decided that “Netflix & Chill” was merely an idiom for hooking up. And back in the day when I was a single pringle, I certainly had no problem with this! But now that I’m way past my expiration date and 100% off the market “Netflix & Chill” suddenly means something entirely different. These days “Netflix & Chill” means I get to watch whatever I want and relax … COMPLETELY ALONE! While I’m extremely grateful to be in a happy relationship, it’s important to never underestimate the power of alone time.

When I first moved in with my S.O., I wanted to spend every day with him. And when he would go away, I would genuinely be sad to see him go, but now that we’ve been together for a while I realize we spend plenty of time together and it’s okay for us to do things solo. So what’s the first thing I do when he leaves … binge-watch ANYTHING and EVERYTHING! Sure, I binge watch television when he’s here, but it’s always random and there’s a weird level of compromise. It has to be something we both want to watch. So even though I would absolutely love to digest the delicious drama or sweet hilarity of whatever new show I’ve been told I need to enjoy at the moment, sometimes I have to wait a while to do it.

Lucky for me, my S.O. has been out of town for a few days, which means I have had the entire condo to my lonesome! Was I sad to see him go? 100 percent! I’m always a little sad to see him leave, but tonight I will be joining him in Walt Disney World for the tail end of his spring break, so it’s actually not too bad. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? (PS. Stay tuned for my first “Disney” related post in a couple weeks!)

Anyway, back to binging! With 1/2 out of the house, this meant I could come home from work and do whatever I wanted … and what I craved was a solid, well-planned night of food, wine, and trash tv! I had three glorious nights alone and I was going to make the most of them because there is truly something special when you have the perfect night of binging. People don’t seem to understand that a proper night of binging requires a balance of show, food, and drink.

That being said … I present my unsolicited, unnecessary and completely unqualified guide to proper binge-watching techniques!

BINGE-WATCHING A COMEDY:

If you’re going to watch something quick-witted and funny you need food and drink that match it. Comedies are often 20-30 minutes of humor that don’t always require a ton of deep thought and/or attention. For this type of binge-watching, I highly recommend pizza and beer/soda in a can or bottle. You want to be able to grab and go quickly and as necessary. Pizza doesn’t really require plates and it can sit on the table within reach all night long. And while beer and/or soda do require a refrigerator unlike many other drink options it doesn’t take too much thought to grab a can and crack it open. You can sit, watch and laugh for hours with a medium pizza and a six-pack … give or a take a pizza and six-pack depending on how many people are joining in on this binge session.

BINGE-WATCHING A NETWORK DRAMA:

I feel the need to specify “network drama” here because for me there is a difference. A network drama, for example; How to Get Away with Murder, American Horror Story, or This Is Us … have built-in commercial breaks which are PIVOTAL to this binge situation! In this scenario, you’re gonna wanna order food. Think Chinese, Thai, Italian, etc. and you’re wanna grab a bottle of wine or two or for you beer drinkers a nicer beer that maybe requires a glass. I personally would choose wine but to each their own. However, there are two key components to remember when going down this route; 1) Make sure to order the food early and wait for it to be delivered BEFORE you start watching! There’s nothing worse than getting to the best part of the show, and your phone rings because Daniel from Tony and Tina’s Tiny Italian Eatery is downstairs with your food. Ugh. So annoying! That’s why I say, have the food in hand before you press play.

2) Make a plate, pour your drink, and BRING THE REST OF THE BOTTLE WITH YOU! As the drama builds you’ve either given up on your food entirely or are completely finished with your plate, but guess what? You still want more wine, hence, BRING THE BOTTLE WITH YOU and pour when necessary. If you want to make yourself more food, that’s what those glorious built-in commercials are good for. That’s when you hit pause and help yourself to a second or third serving. That’s also a great time snag that pint of Ben & Jerry’s out of the freezer and transition to dessert.

BINGE-WATCHING ANYTHING ON PREMIUM TELEVISION:

This is where things get a little tricky, and somewhat dependent on your particular needs and cooking abilities. With premium television (ie; HBO, Showtime, Starz, etc.) comedies are for sure in the 27-30 minute mark, dramas are at least 50 minutes, and in both scenarios, there are ZERO built-in commercial breaks. Once you hit play you’re either in it till the end or forced to find an awkward pause when you need a break. For this particular night of binging, this is when I suggest spoiling yourself a bit. Cook something (or order something) nice for yourself and find the inner mixologist deep down inside of you. Nothing pairs better with Big Little Lies, True Detective or even a few episodes of Barry or Curb Your Enthusiasm like homemade food and a delicious cocktail or mocktail. And if you do choose the cocktail option, be sure to make it strong! Chances are if you went through the trouble to make a such a delicious meal and cocktail … you’re gonna want to savor it slowly, because if you’re like me, you’re definitely not in college anymore so slamming a mixed drink is 100% out of the question. That being said, with these shows you won’t be in any particular hurry to jump off the couch. So this combination allows you to get nice and settled for the duration of the show. You can easily get another helping or make yourself another drink while the credits roll but before you press start on the next episode.

There you have it, folks … it’s my roadmap to a perfect night of “Netflix & Chill.” As for me, what did I choose to binge while the man was away? I hate to make myself a stereotype by saying I love Bravo, but let’s face it … I love Bravo! I’m a sucker for all the forced drama and janky relationships Andy Cohen shoves down our throats each night, and for years I’ve followed Bravo as they’ve struggled to find a show like the Housewives franchise, but not the housewives. Trust me, I’ve watched them all … Miami Social, 100 Days of Summer, Below Deck, Southern Charm, Shahs of Sunset … the list goes on! But recently Bravo launched their latest venture in unscripted reality, Mexican Dynasties, and saying I’m completely hooked is a gross understatement. So for the past 2/3 nights, I came home, popped a frozen pizza in the oven and cracked a cold one while I sat back and watched all my new friends live their best Bravo lives.

Fernando and Mari Allende, Bravo’s Mexican Dynasties

- Noah Lee Jordan (#WNN)

SONG OF THE BLOG (#SOTB): “Party For One” - Carly Rae Jepsen

REVIEW: School Girls, or the African Mean Girls Play @ Jungle Theater

The tale of the “it” crowd is all too familiar for just about anyone that’s been in high school. It doesn’t matter where you grew up because every school had that seemingly impenetrable clique. They exuded confidence and grace in a time when most of us were fighting our strange insecurities and awkward body issues. In our pubescent eyes, they had it all.

Set at Aburi Girls’ Senior High School in Ghana in 1986, Jungle Theater’s production of School Girls, or the African Mean Girls Play, is a highly entertaining story that brings an all-too-familiar American concept to the life.

The Queen Bee (aka Regina George) of the school, Paulina Sarpong (Ashe Jaafaru), makes her status known both in what she says and how she says it. She rules the school with both favors and cruelty. “Are you determined to look like a cow?” she pointedly asks her larger-sized classmate Nana (Salome Mergia) near the top of the show. Nana immediately exchanges her porridge for an apple, which is “a good source of fiber,” according to Paulina. Too bad the other members of her clique have no idea what that means, but they go along with Paulina’s cruel words with laughs, while she’s around, and later they apologize to Nana, proving that deep down they are more than just her cold-hearted pawns.

The main plot centers around the arrival of a recruiter for the Miss Ghana beauty pageant, and the girls upcoming audition to become Miss Ghana 1986. As the HBIC of Aburi Senior High, Paulina is sure to win and has made it clear that while it is “necessary” for the other girls to audition, they don’t stand a chance. In addition to the shy Nana, there is Mercy (Kiara Jackson) and her cousin Gifty (Nimene Sierra Wureh), the comedic duo of that show that are both considered “average beauties,” and Ama (Aishe Keita), a smart and sensible girl, who is completely uninterested in the pageant but a willing participant nonetheless.

While it seems like Paulina is the “perfect” (and only) choice to represent Ghana, her status and prowess are suddenly threatened when a new girl transfers from America. The mixed-race daughter of a local cocoa tycoon Ericka (Eponine Diatta) is an immediate draw for the other girls, who fawn over her lotions, hair products, concert stories, and lighter skin, quickly forgetting about poor Paulina. With Ericka in the picture, Paulina’s chances at winning Miss Ghana 1986 are suddenly at risk, and she very quickly proves that she’ll do just about anything to bring home the crown.

When Eloise (Hope Cervantes), the recruiter for the Global Universe Pageant and former Miss Ghana 1966, finally arrives she makes it clear that while she wants to find a girl to represent Ghana well, but she also wants to find a girl that will appeal to a “wider” (aka whiter) audience. Eloise is hellbent on having Ghana showcased on the universal stage, and if she can find the perfect candidate not only will she get a raise but the all-girls school will receive a sizable donation. And while at first, the proposal seems unfair, Headmistress Francis (Ivory Doublette) decides to join in on the plan because after all, the school could use the money.

Even though it’s no secret this opportunity would mean the world to Paulina, in Eloise and Headmistress Francis’ eyes, Erika is their frontrunner. When the big day finally arrives, the auditions start off “promising” (including a well-played montage of “The Greatest Love of All”) but soon tensions rise, secrets are spilled, and the whole production is flipped on its side as all is revealed.

Playwright Jocelyn Bioh does a great job of creating a story that is not only highly engaging but packs a powerful punch in a short time. She is able to create a series of characters that grow and change believably in 75-minutes, a feat many shows try to accomplish but unfortunately do not. At no point do we lose interest in the show or turn our backs on Paulina, who could quickly be a bitch for which audiences hold no sympathy. And maybe it’s Jaafaru’s superior acting choices or maybe it’s Bioh’s complex writing but either way, it works and it works well. Like every “mean girl,” Paulina’s persona stems from deep insecurities, which surprise surprise, Ericka also seems to have.

School Girls is an ensemble show that delicately toes the line between hilarious and heartbreaking, and easily accomplishes much more than shows twice its length. Bioh should be proud because not only is Jungle Theater’s production a shining example of how her work should be presented on stage, but the play itself is impressive and in my personal opinion timeless. There will always be mean girls and unfortunately there will always be colorism within races.

“School Girls, or, The African Mean Girls Play”

• When: Now - April 14

• Where: Jungle Theater (2951 Lyndale Avenue)

• Information: 612-822-7063 or jungletheater.com

(Photo by Dan Norman)

(Photo by Dan Norman)

The Ballad Of A “Non-Apologizer”

I’m stubborn, and while I’m not always willing to admit that, most people who get to know me are able to figure it out pretty quickly. Oh, and guess what? Norris (my partner) is also stubborn … correction, he’s “rigid.” Sorry if you’re reading this, Norris, but we both know it’s true and either way I still love you. xoxo.

We tend to agree on most things, but I’d be lying if I said we haven’t had our fair share of heated disagreements. Feelings are hurt. Emotions are high. And sometimes neither one of us is willing to budge and give up the power … AKA apologize. Why is it that saying sorry is so hard? Each time we come to these emotional crossroads, I dig in my heals and try to twist and turn the situation. I will pick out particular details that lean in my favor and hope that by end of the discussion, I will come out victorious and on the opposite end of an apology. It’s just too bad that Norris has learned my not-so-secret super strategy, and has started using his own strategy of never giving me what I want in these moments. #stalemate

When this happens we both tend to go our separate ways for a while, until someone eventually starts the conversation again. It’s by no means apologizing, but life goes on and usually one of us (if not both of us) has decided that whatever we were fighting about doesn’t deserve any more of our attention … and at the end of the day it really wasn’t worth it. So again I ask myself … why is apologizing so difficult? Each time we find ourselves tangled in this strange emotional dance, I try to figure out why I’m refusing to say the words. Is it because I truly believe that I deserve an apology? Is it because I know I’m wrong, and I’m just refusing to admit it? What is happening and if it’s not important … why can’t I just mumble two words and end the fight?! We spend too much time laughing and enjoying each other’s company to waste time being passive and silent. If a simple sorry will get us back to laughing, why not say it?

A quote to live by courtesy of Dorinda Medley, current cast member of Bravo’s Real Housewives of New York.

But this actually goes beyond just the relationship I have with Norris. It’s family. It’s friends. It’s coworkers. It’s even complete strangers. There’s something strangely difficult about admitting that I was wrong, or that I possibly hurt someone else’s feelings. From what I’ve read, I’m what some might refer to as a “non-apologizer,” which means exactly what it sounds like. #sorrynotsorry

Even as a child, I struggled to admit fault and apologize. In elementary school, while showing off my newfound “karate skills,” a classmate decided to say I looked weak and that she could punch better than me. So … I used my sweet new skills and punched her right in the face. Probably not one of my finest moment but third grade Noah was upset and took action!

Waiting in the main office for my parents to arrive, I knew I’d done something wrong but when they said I had to face this girl and apologize, oh hell no! Absolutely not. My defense was that she started it by making fun of my karate, so why didn’t she have to apologize to me?! It made sense at the time, but my refusal to say sorry resulted in a week of no recess AKA the worst! Lesson learned, right? Wrong, but also I was eight-years-old so there’s that, too.

Cut to this last week when my “friend” did, in fact, read my blog and was not-so-surprisingly a little upset about it. When I saw his text come through, I rolled my eyes. What did he want? Who cares if he read it, right? He struck first and he should apologize to me. It’s not my fault I called you out on your shady comment and followed it up with a few suggestions of my own. Whoops. My bad. I thought that was allowed since clearly we were giving each other notes.

Was it petty of me to put his life on blast in a post … it sure was, but I didn’t care. After a few texts back and forth, both of us trying to explain why the other needed to apologize, I took a deep breath, and finally just caved. I could continue to drag this out like an ill-fated housewife trying to make the most of her final season on Bravo, but instead, I apologized because ultimately his feelings were hurt and for that, I was slightly sorry. Yes, he hurt my feelings first. And no, he didn’t bother to apologize on his end, but in a few weeks, none of this would even matter.

Recently, I’ve tried to wrap my head around the idea that saying sorry doesn’t always have to be about admitting that you were wrong, but more or less apologizing for the fact that you hurt someone. Of course, you should ABSOLUTELY apologize if you’ve done something wrong, but sometimes saying sorry falls into a grey area. Even if you can rewind the tapes and prove that you did nothing wrong, if feelings on either side were hurt in the process … an apology might be necessary. We are all humans (at least I hope so), and there are times when the super shields we put up to protect our emotions are penetrated. Unfortunately, a majority of the time it’s by the people we love and respect the most. Why? Because it’s when we’re around those people that we lower our guard and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, and it’s their words and actions that tend to carry the most weight.

Where am I going with this? My point is … don't be afraid to say sorry and don’t be afraid to call someone out and ask for an apology if/when they hurt you. However, it should also be noted that saying sorry is a two-way street that requires both parties to take action. If you’ve done something wrong you should say sorry, but knowing when to say it also requires someone to admit they need it in order to move forward. And if someone apologizes … forgive them and mean it.

WARNING: Don’t dredge up old shit. If you are owed an apology, you do have a window of time where you need to bring it up or squash it and move on entirely. Asking for an apology because someone said something shady that hurt your feelings four years ago at a mutual friends barbecue while you were both drunk is old news. Let. It. Go! Now if that barbecue was last week … damn right you deserve an apology!

Apologizing doesn’t make you a weaker person. It makes you a bigger person. And if you hurt someone you love and care about … just say sorry. Speaking of which, I’ve got a few people I should probably go apologize to … right after I go demand a few apologies of my own. JK!

- Noah Lee Jordan (#WNN)

Don’t believe me? Check out a few articles on the subject of saying sorry.

• I Can’t Apologize (Sorry!) - New York Times

• 5 Reasons Why Some People Will Never Say Sorry - PsychologyToday.com

• How to Deal with a Friend Who Never Says, “I’m Sorry” - Hello, Giggles

SONG OF THE BLOG (#SOTB): “Someone Gets Hurt” - Mean Girls on Broadway

Season One, Episode Two

If you’re reading this right now, it’s because I’ve somehow suckered you into coming back for another post, and now the real test begins. Can he do it again? Was his first post just a fluke and he’s really just some whack job on a rant?

These are both great questions, but guess what? I can’t answer them, only you can; however, I will say that Why Not Noah? should be digested like a new show with a midseason premiere. I’ve only been green-lit for a few episodes, but it’s my job to prove to everyone that I deserve to be picked up for a full season. Does that make sense? Is everyone still following? Sticking with the television comparison, most shows take a little time to really develop their rhythm and find what works. It’s pretty rare for a show to have a flawless first season, but if you know some, please let me know because I love binge-watching television!

Seriously though, think about how many times have you’ve recommended a show with the warning, “you have to give it a few episodes, but then you’ll be hooked!” Look at Schitt’s Creek, Parks & Recreation, Seinfeld, Breaking Bad, or even Buffy the Vampire Slayer … those first few episodes and even those entire first seasons are bumpy and nothing special, but they all became television giants. (Click here, to check out a few more popular shows that had shaky beginnings.)

I’d like to think that’s me. I’m that show but in a blog format. So before anyone jumps on the “Hater Express,” just give it a few episodes and then you can feel free to tune out. I say all of this because before I launched this blog and my first post, I was already extremely nervous. Putting yourself out there for any sort of judgment is actually kind of awful. I work in radio (nope, not the on-air part) behind-the-scenes, and every day I watch some of my incredibly talented coworkers put themselves out there. This is where my job comes in, I get to sit at my desk on social media and watch all the comments come rolling in; including the dreaded internet trolls. No matter how great the show was that day, these people will nitpick every second of it looking for flaws they can latch onto. It’s obnoxious, but unfortunately that’s the world we live in.

Needless to say, when it came time for me to move forward with #WNN, that’s all I could think about … the trolls.

The haters.

The negative Nancys.

The vampires lurking in the glow of their screens ready to sink their janky teeth into my post and tear it apart.

But I watch my coworkers do it every day, and it never stops them from coming back. Part of putting yourself out there is dealing with haters. And hey, at least they’re talking about you. It’s when they aren’t that you should worry. So I channeled my inner Samantha Jones … I prayed for the gays and published my post.

It was terrifying but oddly satisfying. My new baby blog was out there on Facebook for everyone to see, and with that I quickly logged out. I wanted to enjoy the immediate high a little longer. I didn’t want to see anyone’s comments. I didn’t want to know how many likes it got. I didn’t want to know anything. Not yet. And not that I’m vain enough to think there would be “haters” this early, but nowadays, everybody has an opinion or an idea of how you should do things that quite frankly most of them know nothing about.

I finally logged back in a few hours later, and to my surprise and delight, the response was pretty positive. I was feeling great … until I got a text message from a “friend” with a few notes.

THEM: You finally did it! I can’t believe you actually started a blog!

ME: Thanks! Yeah, I was really scared, but I figured why not?!

THEM: I like it, but what are you gonna write about? Do you even have enough content for that?

ME: I don’t know. I guess I’ll find out the hard way. I have a couple different plans.

THEM: Oh, I would never start a blog without at least 10 posts ready to go. I mean, aren’t you going to be embarrassed if you run out of ideas before you even really get started? I couldn’t do it. I would be so embarassed.

ME: Oh, damn! I see after one post she already has notes for me. I guess I should’ve come with a pen and paper to this conversation. Haha. But to answer your question, I’m not too worried. I’ve been wanting to do this for a while, and I’ll just have to cross that bridge if and only if that day ever comes. It will be a fun little learning experience!

Our conversation moved to a new subject and eventually fizzled after a few more texts since let’s be honest, this “friend” really falls more in the acquaintance column.

I tried to let his comments go since overall I was feeling pretty damn good about my little blog, but they just kept lingering in the back of my brain. In all honesty, I wasn’t necessarily hurt by the conversation, but rather annoyed and frustrated. This was all coming from a guy who announced a giant “life-changing” move to NYC (complete with a “GoFundMe” page) so he could pursue his dream to be Broadway performer! That was four years ago, and since the move, he’s really only managed to pick up a few pounds and a few service industry gigs in the process. And now … he doesn’t even perform. BUT GUESS WHAT?! There’s nothing wrong with that, and in all four years, I’ve never once asked him how embarrassed he was for announcing his dramatic departure and Broadway dreams, only to give up on a career before even having one? I could’ve easily dished out a few notes of my own for him, but instead, I kept my mouth shut. His body. His choice. His dream. His life.

But Noah … where are you going with all of this? Before yesterday I had an entirely different post ready to go for the big round two reveal. It was gonna be quick and funny (in my opinion) and the perfect bite-size read to keep you satiated; however, my plan was derailed by a few shady text messages.

Sure, I could’ve ignored those messages altogether, not said anything, and stayed laser-focused on my original plan. Instead, I choose to go rogue 72 hours into the process and take a risk by writing this post instead. But as I sit here writing, that’s what excites me about this blog. I’m in control, and if I want to go rogue, that’s my choice. This is my creative baby, and these first few posts may be bumpy and a bit whacky, but so am I. As I keep learning and growing, I will do my part to tighten things up, find what works and hopefully create something special. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. Huzzah, that’s fine with me!

So if you’re teetering on the edge of trying something new … go for it! Take a risk, and feel free to tell the haters where they can shove it. At the end of the day, I would rather be, “nine people’s favorite thing than a hundred people’s ninth favorite thing!” I already know I’m my own favorite thing … so I’m 1/9 of the way there!

- Noah Lee Jordan (#WNN)

SONG(S) OF THE BLOG (#SOTB): I went through a few phases while writing this post, so now you get not one … not two … BUT THREE songs to enjoy!

“Die Vampire, Die!” - [title of show] - Original Cast

“Hate On Me” - Jill Scott

“Nine People’s Favorite Thing” - [title of show] - Original Cast

Genesis: A New Beginning

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, unless you believe in the “Big Bang” theory then feel free to go with that, but since my name is Noah I feel like the biblical beginning matches my “brand” a little bit more. Fast-forward a few thousand years, and one special day my parents created me, AKA Noah!

Now let’s be honest, I’m no fool. I certainly know the world existed long before my arrival, but deep deep DEEP down I’d like to think that despite being pretty average on a daily basis, something truly special happened on the day I was born and that somehow my simple existence made the world a better place if even for a minuscule moment … I can dream, right?!

Anyway, on to the topic at hand, and really the reason you’re here. A blog. Yes, a blog and specifically my blog. There are plenty of blogs about food. There are tons about travel. And there are about a million when it comes to fashion and pop culture — with the rise of the internet, everybody and their gay uncle Sam suddenly decided to plug in, log-on, and become a blogger. Yet, here I am — late to the party — throwing my tiny hat into the ring, stepping up onto my soapbox, and blabbing into the proverbial megaphone that is known to all as a “blog.” I am joining the throngs of people and officially decided to call myself a blogger.

So … why now? Good question.

IMAGE: Lars Dean, Puerto Vallarta

If you’d asked my partner Norris, he would’ve told you this day would never happen. I’m the worst when it comes to commitments like this. Not in a relationship way but more in the, “I love to make plans and talk about grand ideas, but can never seem to buckle down and do it” kind of way. Just ask him how long it took me to pick a gym membership. Guess what? I’m still undecided. Ugh. But either way, back to the question … why now? To which I answer, why not now? And specifically why not Noah?

There’s actually a lot that goes into the “why” of it all, which I’ll post about at some point, but when I initially thought about the concept it was nothing more than a joke. Scrolling through my feed I saw all the people who claimed to be “bloggers” and “influencers,” and laughed. Whatever they were selling, I sure as hell wasn’t buying. I also loved calling people out for being what I considered, “off brand.” Finally I had the epiphany, why don’t I just write a blog!? It would be fun. It would be random. But most importantly, it would be whatever it wanted to be and it would be mine.

Again, there’s much more to this story but I’ll spare you the details right now. Moving forward though, I want to be clear that I’m not technically an expert on anything. I’m not the first person people run to when they want to know about fashion … or food … or travel … or fitness … or Disney (that’s my partner Norris) … or even pop culture, which I oddly do know quite a bit about. I am however an early stop when people just want to have fun, which is why I guess I am calling this a “lifestyle” blog.

All this being said, welcome to my official coming out blog! This isn’t my first or even my second coming out — it’s actually my third (more on that in the future), but you know, third times a charm, right? As you read, I might say things that are unfavorable, and you might disagree. And while I don’t appreciate the idea of hurting anyone’s feelings or making them upset — I have to stay true to myself and be completely honest in the process. So I apologize in advance, but there won’t be any beat around the bush; say you look nice but make you think twice happening here — no ma’am.

I’m excited. I’m nervous. And I’m ready to take you on this journey. Who knows … you may read this and say, “hell no!” But I hope that at the very least you find my blog mindlessly entertaining and slightly amusing. Life is all about the adventure, and what’s an adventure without company … so come along or don’t. The choice is yours!

– Noah Lee Jordan (#WNN)

FUN FACT: Music really helps me write, so at the end of every blog post I will include the song that inspired me, AKA my “SONG OF THE BLOG (#SOTB).” First up, Harry Nilsson’s “Gotta Get Up” made recently popular by the Netflix show, Russian Doll.