Why Not Noah?

At some point in our more recent history, society decided that “Netflix & Chill” was merely an idiom for hooking up. And back in the day when I was a single pringle, I certainly had no problem with this! But now that I’m way past my expiration date and 100% off the market “Netflix & Chill” suddenly means something entirely different. These days “Netflix & Chill” means I get to watch whatever I want and relax … COMPLETELY ALONE! While I’m extremely grateful to be in a happy relationship, it’s important to never underestimate the power of alone time.

When I first moved in with my S.O., I wanted to spend every day with him. And when he would go away, I would genuinely be sad to see him go, but now that we’ve been together for a while I realize we spend plenty of time together and it’s okay for us to do things solo. So what’s the first thing I do when he leaves … binge-watch ANYTHING and EVERYTHING! Sure, I binge watch television when he’s here, but it’s always random and there’s a weird level of compromise. It has to be something we both want to watch. So even though I would absolutely love to digest the delicious drama or sweet hilarity of whatever new show I’ve been told I need to enjoy at the moment, sometimes I have to wait a while to do it.

Lucky for me, my S.O. has been out of town for a few days, which means I have had the entire condo to my lonesome! Was I sad to see him go? 100 percent! I’m always a little sad to see him leave, but tonight I will be joining him in Walt Disney World for the tail end of his spring break, so it’s actually not too bad. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? (PS. Stay tuned for my first “Disney” related post in a couple weeks!)

Anyway, back to binging! With 1/2 out of the house, this meant I could come home from work and do whatever I wanted … and what I craved was a solid, well-planned night of food, wine, and trash tv! I had three glorious nights alone and I was going to make the most of them because there is truly something special when you have the perfect night of binging. People don’t seem to understand that a proper night of binging requires a balance of show, food, and drink.

That being said … I present my unsolicited, unnecessary and completely unqualified guide to proper binge-watching techniques!

BINGE-WATCHING A COMEDY:

If you’re going to watch something quick-witted and funny you need food and drink that match it. Comedies are often 20-30 minutes of humor that don’t always require a ton of deep thought and/or attention. For this type of binge-watching, I highly recommend pizza and beer/soda in a can or bottle. You want to be able to grab and go quickly and as necessary. Pizza doesn’t really require plates and it can sit on the table within reach all night long. And while beer and/or soda do require a refrigerator unlike many other drink options it doesn’t take too much thought to grab a can and crack it open. You can sit, watch and laugh for hours with a medium pizza and a six-pack … give or a take a pizza and six-pack depending on how many people are joining in on this binge session.

BINGE-WATCHING A NETWORK DRAMA:

I feel the need to specify “network drama” here because for me there is a difference. A network drama, for example; How to Get Away with Murder, American Horror Story, or This Is Us … have built-in commercial breaks which are PIVOTAL to this binge situation! In this scenario, you’re gonna wanna order food. Think Chinese, Thai, Italian, etc. and you’re wanna grab a bottle of wine or two or for you beer drinkers a nicer beer that maybe requires a glass. I personally would choose wine but to each their own. However, there are two key components to remember when going down this route; 1) Make sure to order the food early and wait for it to be delivered BEFORE you start watching! There’s nothing worse than getting to the best part of the show, and your phone rings because Daniel from Tony and Tina’s Tiny Italian Eatery is downstairs with your food. Ugh. So annoying! That’s why I say, have the food in hand before you press play.

2) Make a plate, pour your drink, and BRING THE REST OF THE BOTTLE WITH YOU! As the drama builds you’ve either given up on your food entirely or are completely finished with your plate, but guess what? You still want more wine, hence, BRING THE BOTTLE WITH YOU and pour when necessary. If you want to make yourself more food, that’s what those glorious built-in commercials are good for. That’s when you hit pause and help yourself to a second or third serving. That’s also a great time snag that pint of Ben & Jerry’s out of the freezer and transition to dessert.

BINGE-WATCHING ANYTHING ON PREMIUM TELEVISION:

This is where things get a little tricky, and somewhat dependent on your particular needs and cooking abilities. With premium television (ie; HBO, Showtime, Starz, etc.) comedies are for sure in the 27-30 minute mark, dramas are at least 50 minutes, and in both scenarios, there are ZERO built-in commercial breaks. Once you hit play you’re either in it till the end or forced to find an awkward pause when you need a break. For this particular night of binging, this is when I suggest spoiling yourself a bit. Cook something (or order something) nice for yourself and find the inner mixologist deep down inside of you. Nothing pairs better with Big Little Lies, True Detective or even a few episodes of Barry or Curb Your Enthusiasm like homemade food and a delicious cocktail or mocktail. And if you do choose the cocktail option, be sure to make it strong! Chances are if you went through the trouble to make a such a delicious meal and cocktail … you’re gonna want to savor it slowly, because if you’re like me, you’re definitely not in college anymore so slamming a mixed drink is 100% out of the question. That being said, with these shows you won’t be in any particular hurry to jump off the couch. So this combination allows you to get nice and settled for the duration of the show. You can easily get another helping or make yourself another drink while the credits roll but before you press start on the next episode.

There you have it, folks … it’s my roadmap to a perfect night of “Netflix & Chill.” As for me, what did I choose to binge while the man was away? I hate to make myself a stereotype by saying I love Bravo, but let’s face it … I love Bravo! I’m a sucker for all the forced drama and janky relationships Andy Cohen shoves down our throats each night, and for years I’ve followed Bravo as they’ve struggled to find a show like the Housewives franchise, but not the housewives. Trust me, I’ve watched them all … Miami Social, 100 Days of Summer, Below Deck, Southern Charm, Shahs of Sunset … the list goes on! But recently Bravo launched their latest venture in unscripted reality, Mexican Dynasties, and saying I’m completely hooked is a gross understatement. So for the past 2/3 nights, I came home, popped a frozen pizza in the oven and cracked a cold one while I sat back and watched all my new friends live their best Bravo lives.

Fernando and Mari Allende, Bravo’s Mexican Dynasties

- Noah Lee Jordan (#WNN)

SONG OF THE BLOG (#SOTB): “Party For One” - Carly Rae Jepsen