Goal, Interrupted

First and foremost, I apologize because this post is LEGITIMATELY one week late! So much for a schedule, right?! 🤷🏾‍♂️

Not to make excuses (as I’m literally about to give you an excuse) but when I put the bi-weekly reminder in my phone, I somehow started it on the wrong date. For a few days, even I was like, “holy shit … it feels like it’s been a while since I posted” and yet I did absolutely nothing about it. And then when I realized I for sure missed the day, I still did nothing. Blah, blah, blah … excuses but here I am! I’m back, bishes!

Either way, missing my goal of posting bi-weekly leads me to today’s topic … setting goals. I’m the type of person that LOVES to set outrageous goals in brief moments of what one can only assume is pure insanity. I love to aim way too high, shout it from the rooftops and then watch most of them fizzle and die. Now some of these goals are actually completely attainable, my main problem is that I spend very little time researching them and setting realistic timelines. These starry-eyed delusional goals are one of my many flaws. And that along with my crippling inability to make decisions is a very dangerous combination. #STRUGGLES

I guess you could say I’m fortunate because by now most of my friends and family know this about me, so when it happens they just smile and nod politely, but then never bring it up again unless I happen to mention it. Then if I actually do manage to accomplish one of these lofty goals, they cheer me on as if they believed in me the whole time.

“Great job, Noah! We always knew you could do it!” … yeah right, but thanks anyway.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the support but deep down it all feels a little disingenuous. Like I would rather someone say, “I never thought you could do it,” because at least then I would know they weren’t lying.

Just to give you a little more context, I (after a few beers and on a bit of a runner’s high) made the declaration that I wanted to try and qualify for the Boston Marathon this year. Originally, I saw that I needed to run a 3:10 which in my mind is completely doable, but then later saw I basically needed to run a sub 3:00 … and shit my pants a little. Cutting 10-minutes may not seem like a lot, but it’s a lot harder than it sounds. Then you factor in my stubborn, know-it-all flaw and the fact that there’s only a handful of marathons before the September deadline … and it’s probably not going to happen.

Again, if I’d done my research and kept my mouth shut a little longer, I could’ve set a realistic goal. But as I’ve already explained that’s just not my style. Either way, I swallowed my pride, realized it wasn’t going to happen and quietly retracted my statement. Do I still want to qualify for Boston? Absolutely. But maybe in 2020 or even 2021.

Long story long, I found out a person I really trust was sort of bad-mouthing my goal to some other people, and holy shit, it hurt. I can certainly handle a fair-weather "friend” bashing me behind my back, but this wasn’t that. It was different. It felt more like a personal attack. It felt judgmental and mean spirited. It made me question all the things I’ve ever said to this person. It made all their previous “support” feel like some inside joke at my expense. And it really broke me.

I honestly didn’t think it would affect me this way and I’m actually surprised at my own reaction. Which is why I don’t exactly know how to proceed. And quite frankly, I don’t know how I feel about this person at the moment.

For now, I think it's time to put a lid on my goals and pack them away somewhere deep in the attic of my mind, and maybe put my overconfident declarations on mute. If there’s a lesson to be learned in all this, I would say it’s that we shouldn’t rely on other people’s support and/or validation. I used to quote the motto an old boss taught me, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” I think there’s some truth to that, but I think for right now I need to spend a little time going alone.

- Noah Lee Jordan (#WNN)

SONG OF THE BLOG (#SOTB): “Fighter” - Gym Class Heroes